The sky is still blue as I remember. I haven’t seen it since three days. I almost forgot how beautiful it looks on a sunny day in winter. I wish I could walk on the beach and enjoy some peace.
Three days ago, I moved to the house of my husband‘s family with him and our children. We left our beach apartment with the wonderful view in order to find a more secure place where the kids cannot hear the loud sounds of explosions and wake up frightened and crying. I cannot give them any assurances that tomorrow will be better for them and that they will be save. They stopped asking us when this going to end and when they can get back to living their normal lives as children.
The images are always the same, except that this time they are more violent and evil. We stopped enjoying anything after the Israeli war against the civilians in Gaza. Neither me nor my children can stand the sound of the continuous bombing of the Israeli war machines. It is worse during the night. The children started to go to bed very early to avoid hearing the sounds of F-16s dropping bombs. You cannot imagine how scary it is to hear the whistling of the missiles before they hit. With every hit you feel that this time you are that targe and you count the seconds before they hit. All what we can do is to thank Allah when we all wake up safe the next morning. We will live another day !
I used to listen to how people talk about hating wars, about all the pain it leaves in their hearts and souls. War is very cruel and we. the Palestinian refugees, have witnessed the cruelty of war more than once. This time, it is the cruelest of all. There is no mercy, no difference between a child, an old man or even an innocent, unborn fetus. All are criminals and deserve to die according to Israel.
I stopped hoping for an end,. My children have stopped feeling after seeing the photos broadcasted on the news. Childrn, families - are all the victims of the Israeli hate and inhumanity. Life became meaningless not only for us but also for our children. We, therefore, only wait our turn to join the list, as an additional number, nothing more, but just a number.
Our only wish is to die together as one familyso no one of us has to live through the bitterness of losing the other.
Gaza, January 2009
Najwa Sheikh Ahmed is a Palestine refugee, who lives in Nuseirat camp with her husband and three children. These are her personal stories.